Cancer – This is how I’m doing

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I met and fell in love with Michele 33 years ago, she has infectious eyes and the most beautiful smile, a huge heart, many friends, she’s the type of person you want to be around all the time. She makes me laugh and she makes me feel good about myself. I am definitely a better person because of her; I like waking up every morning and I look forward to going home every evening.

I keep a picture of her on my cell phone that is my favorite of her, she is looking at me as I took the picture, her beautiful eyes and that smile that melts my heart. It’s my favorite because of her swim suit, it’s a reminder of everything good in my life. When that suit got wet you could see through it and the picture shows one of her many great physical beauties if you look closely at the picture, you’ll see exactly what I see.

My Dad passed away about 30 years ago, prostate and colon cancer. This was a hard loss for me, my Dad and I were best buddies and I was angry and questioned everything in my life including Michele. She held on to me as if her life depended on me, it saved our young marriage.

21 years ago she gave birth to Kyle and Hunter, twins, both endowed with Down syndrome and later diagnosed with Autism. The boys are non-verbal and require constant supervision, we cook for them, cut their food, help them bathe, get dressed and give them a happy and loving home. Those 2 boys deserve all this and more; the love and compassion that they give us is incredible, I continue to learn from them everyday, more than I can ever teach them and I’m sure I’m only grasping a tenth of what they’re trying to teach me.

I know every inch of Michele, freckles, lines, soft spots, hour glass figure, scars, she had the most amazing breasts . . . we love and live well through good times and bad. Even now I know her, she has the most amazing bald head and gets a red splotch on the back of her head at the base of her neck where her hat rubs. I remember when she was pregnant, having twins is hard on a woman’s body, Michele ages with grace and becomes more beautiful each day.

Cancer, when you first hear it, you die a little, and I’ve cried a thousand deaths. When the boys were born I cried, then I gathered myself up and I protect Michele and my boys, it’s what I do. Now I find myself fearing what cancer will do to Michele. She’s had more doctor appointments and bared her body so many times, she’s been poked, scanned and had her breasts cut from her body. Each step has had set backs, so I worry, how will this affect Michele? And I wonder and hope that when she beats cancer, that she will be more beautiful, more loving and kind.

Have you ever seen a person that has had their breasts cut from their body? The scars . . . not pictures either, the real thing, now imagine it’s you. What would you think? How would you feel? I worry how Michele feels about herself. Does she know that I love her no matter what and with all she has been through, I love her more.

 

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About kellykrei

Husband to Michele Martinson Krei for 32 years and father of 21 year old twin boys, Kyle & Hunter, both endowed with Down syndrome and Autism Spectrum Disorder.
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6 Responses to Cancer – This is how I’m doing

  1. Mark Dernell says:

    Kelly I have not been keeping up with e-mails lately and if Nina told me about this I must have forgotten to check, or I have been subconsciously avoiding it in denial. It is heart-wrenching to see this happen to your family and like everyone else who knows you I’m in desperate need of some magic wand to make it all go away. I get caught up in much of my own business so often that I forget that there is a family out there with 2 Mitchells, AND battling extreme cancer. This being Christmas day I am finally able to catch up on things and our thoughts and prayers go to all of you every day. I now can understand a little why we were given the children we have but I have no idea why this has happened to Michelle. I just continue to hold on to the belief that our later rewards are congruent to our present suffering. At least they better be. I hope things can only improve for you from here on out.
    Merry Christmas to the 4 of you,
    Mark Dernell

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  2. Silvia Metzger says:

    Kelly and Michelle: You are both strong people that love each other and your boys. i wish I had as much strength as you both do. God is with you all and I am sending my prayers and love to you all. Have a wonderful Christmas and a Blessed New Year!!!! Your Friend Silvia

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  3. Gene Lane says:

    Kelly, I’ve known you a long time and I know how much you love your boys and Michelle. I can’t tell you that everything will be ok, because we never know. But I can tell you that your love for each other will help you make it through these hardest of years. Hugs and love to your family from my heart to yours!

    Liked by 1 person

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